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Geoff's Miscellany

Miscellaneous Musings

Geoff

Entitlement Culture and Forgiveness

March 12, 2013 by Geoff Leave a Comment

In a study published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2004 it was concluded that:

Forgiveness, though widely admired as a virtue, sometimes brings costs for self-interest. In the wake of deep hurt, those who forgive must humbly set aside hateful thoughts and vengeful
fantasies that seem perfectly justified. To forgive means to cancel a debt, a debt for which one may fully deserve repayment. This debt metaphor suggests a profile of a person who should be especially prone to unforgiveness. An unforgiving person should be someone who is easily offended, highly invested in collecting on debts owed to the self, and determined to assert his or her rights in a principled effort to maintain self-respect. As suggested in the six studies presented here, individuals high in narcissistic entitlement fit this unforgiving profile in ways not fully captured by situational factors (e.g., offense severity, apology, and relationship closeness) or broad-based individual-difference constructs (e.g.,agreeableness, neuroticism, religiosity, social desirability). These findings suggest that narcissistic entitlement is a robust, conceptually meaningful predictor of unforgiveness.

Exline, Julie Juola, Roy F. Baumeister, Brad J. Bushman, W. Keith Campbell, and Eli J. Finkel. “Too proud to let go: narcissistic entitlement as a barrier to forgiveness.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 87, no. 6 (2004): 894.

The conclusion here reminds me of certain teachings of Jesus and the book of Proverbs:

In Luke 17:7-10 Jesus gives a seemingly out of place saying:

“Now, who among you, having a servant plowing or tending lambs, who comes in from the field will say to him, “Go rest, now!” Will he not rather say, ‘Prepare something to eat and get dressed to serve me until I eat and drink, and after these you will eat and drink?’ He will not thank the servant for doing what he was told, will he?” So also you, when you have done everything which has been commanded to you, you should say, “We are unworthy servants, we have only done what we must do.””

This seems to mean that we Christians should take our good deeds with a grain of salt. In other words, though God does want to bless us (which Jesus teaches elsewhere) it does not behoove the Christian to have high expectations about the nature of his or her own deeds. In the timeline of eternity they may or may not mean much, so hope in God to give them significance (which he promises to do). And then, as Paul says, “Your work in the Lord will not be in vain.” But an entitled attitude will probably cause significant anger when trials come either from like circumstances or others who mistreat you despite your hard work. Do note that this is a Proverb and not a universal principle. Jesus gives instructions about dealing with abusive authority and speaking truth to power elsewhere. So this is to be applied to those of use facing disappointment, not blanketly applied all who face injustice from legitimately un-thankful superiors.

Also, Proverbs 12:11 (ISV):

Whoever tills his soil will have a lot to eat, but anyone who pursues fantasies lacks sense.

If you pursue the fantasy of being owed something or the fantasy that crops grow without work, then you’ll find yourself going without. But it won’t only be that, but it will apparently be with a chip on your shoulder and an unforgiving heart.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: forgiveness, Proverbs, psychology

Flirting with Lady Wisdom

March 12, 2013 by Geoff Leave a Comment

“So listen to me, children!
Blessed are those who obey me.
Listen to instruction and be wise.
Don’t ignore it.
Blessed is the person who listens to me,
watching daily at my gates,
waiting at my doorways—because those who find me find life
and gain favor from the LORD.
But whoever sins against me destroys himself; everyone who hates me loves death.”
(Pro 8:32-36 ISV)

The book of Proverbs seems to be intended to help young Israelite men become wise. This does not mean it does not apply to women, it clearly does, but its main intention was apparently to instruct young men. The didactic methods are geared toward young men. Wisdom is portrayed in three ways: a wise mother, a beautiful woman (perhaps even a prophet), and as a wife.
Anyhow, the above passage talks about gaining wisdom as a means of gaining favor with God. This is interesting because many today talk about gaining favor with God as some luck of the draw thing. The Proverbs prologue indicates that favor with God is a term for those who work hard to be successful and ethical. But how can one get this wisdom which leads to favor with God? Lady wisdom says, “Blessed is the person who listens to me, watching daily at my gates”. In other words, attend to wisdom daily. Get the attention of wisdom. Treat wisdom as single man would an attractive woman (not as a conquest) but as an object of affection or as a pearl of great price. Sell your possessions to get wisdom and you will be blessed.
The point is obvious. To get the lady you must show her attention and figure her out. To get wisdom you must take time to figure it out, this will change you. You have to study daily. It works this way in God’s kingdom too; you sell your possessions to buy a field with a pearl of great price. You sell your sloppy thinking, bad habits, and laziness and study wisdom daily. This looks different for everybody in terms of calling and circumstances (are you a doctor, a grocery clerk, a mechanic, married single, etc). But it also looks the same: become humble, become generous, become frugal, spend time daily improving the skills you need to be a wise [fill in the blank here]. For Christians it also means daily attending to the teachings of Jesus Christ who claims that those who do so “are like a wise man, who built his house upon a rock.”

All of us would do well to flirt with Lady Wisdom.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Proverbs

Ancient Sexual Ethics

March 3, 2013 by Geoff Leave a Comment

“For traditional societies, social justice, and not sexual conduct, is the basis for morality. Consequently, teaching dealing with virginity, marriage, divorce, infidelity, adultery, promiscuity, and rape are concerned not only with the sexual relationships of individuals or couples, but also with the social and economic relationships between the households in the village as a whole.”
Victor Mattews. 
The Social World of Ancient Israel 1250-587 BCE (Henrickson), 31.

Ancient forms of ethics/law were concerned with the integrity of the whole group rather than the rights of individuals. It is not that individuals did not have rights, it is just that individual desires (the desire to sleep with whomever you wish) were to be regulated on the basis of the impact those desires would have if fulfilled. 

The modern ethic of authenticity (the idea that what I want is uniquely best for me if I seek it in the way that I know best because I am me) leads to a vision of virtue that I predict cannot be sustained in the long term. If everybody gets what they want then only some people can get what they need. And if everybody’s sexual impulses are equally good, then nobody’s are particularly bad or dastardly. This is playing out in a big confusing way in the entertainment and political realms right now. 

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Filed Under: Book-Review, Christianity, Culture Tagged With: sex, ethics, Old Testament

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